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Mirjana Ojdanić
THE MASTER OF THE GAME
(the comedy of dreams)
Dedicated to my grandmothers, Pisces.
Belgrade 1996
Translation: Dobrila Nikolić Proofreading: Philip Aston
CHARACTERS
NATHALIE CHABAR, adventurer. Born on 15 April 1909 , ARIES.
EMILY CHABAR DEBILE, housewife. Natalie’s daughter and Valery’s mum. Born on 29 June 1929 , CANCER.
VALERY DEB, ( married Smith, now divorced), self portrait painter. Born on 6 August 1951 , LEO.
OLOMIR CUTTER, the buyer of Valery’s paintings, and her boring admirer. Psychiatrist. Born on 29 November 1953 , SAGITTARIUS.
STARKY DEB, Valerys’ son and Angela’s twinbrother. Born on 19 February 1975 at 11.55. p.m. in the last minutes of AQUARIUS.
ANGELA DEB, Valery’s daughter, Starky’s twinsister. A pet girl in the family. Born in the first minutes of 20 February 1975 , PISCES.
MICKY BUMPER DRILL, Angela’s would-be husband. An important and suspicious type. Born on 01 May 1959 , TAURUS.
LUCKY SMITH, Angela’s and Starky’s father and Valery’s ex husband.( At the age of 25, as he appears in Starky’s dreams he resembles his son, and should be acted by the same actor. And at the age of 47 he looks like a good-for-nothing.) Born on 22 May 1949. GEMINI.
LITTLE VIOLET SMITH, Lucky’s third wife. Born on 29 October 1960 , SCORPIO.
PEACEMAKER, MARTIANS (2), MICKY’S BODYGUARDS (4), (extras)
Scene 1 - A PEACEMAKER FROM A DREAM
Valery is painting a big Self-protrait with a blue rose, in her studio. Good classic rock music is heard. Emily enters, pulling by his ear a man in a camouflage uniform with a helmet, armed to the teeth. Another kind of music intrudes.
EMILY: How much longer am I going to suffer? VALERY: You suffer from something? EMILY: And what’s this? Why haven’t you taught your son not to sleep at noon, but at night like all normal people? VALERY: My son sleeps at noon? EMILY: He’s so odd. He sleeps like a top! VALERY: And you suffer because of his sleeping? EMILY: I suffer everything in this house, everything that nobody else could stand. VALERY: Does he snore? EMILY: I can stand him sleeping and snoring, but I can’t stand him dreaming any more! VALERY: Mum, let the child dream, and let me work. EMILY: How much longer is he going to be a child? When he was a little boy, I used to find witches in each wardrobe. He used to dream snakes in my slippers, insects under the pillows. VALERY: OK mum, you’ll talk to me about it later. EMILY: When he was in his teens, I couldn’t piss in the bathroom, because there were his naked Hollywood stars around. VALERY: Mum, he is a grown up person, talk to him. Leave me alone. EMILY: No one can grow up dreaming! How could I talk to him when he’s fast asleep? VALERY: I don’t know how! Wake him up, but leave me alone! EMILY: He’s sleeping as if he’s drugged, and look what he is dreaming about!
Valery pays attention a little for the first time.
VALERY: And you, of course, know again what he’s dreaming.... EMILY: I don’t know. I only see.
Valery goes on painting.
VALERY: Oh, I’ve forgotten that you can see what he’s dreaming! Well, you needn’t go to the cinema then. EMILY: Don’t pretend you don’t understand what I’m talking about! Look what he’s brought to our house in his dreams. A peacemaker! Look at him! He’s armed to the teeth! He may have parked his tank on the yard! VALERY: Well, now all peacemakers are armed to the teeth. That’s the new fashion. Gandhi passed away a long time ago, haven’t you heard? They don’t park tanks in the yards any longer but in the cornfields.
The peacemaker behaves as if he is on manoeuvres or at his sentry post.
EMILY: He must have filled even his teeth with a mine. Open your mouth and let me see! I’m fed up watching them on the TV news every day. I don’t need them in my house! VALERY: You needn’t watch them on the news! That’s the solution! Turn the TV set off, and don’t try to turn my son off. Let him dream freely! EMILY: I went into the larder to take some potatoes. And whom do you think I saw there? The peacemaker eating tins! VALERY: Your tins? EMILY: Mine, of course! Who else in this house thinks about what our doubtful future may bring? VALERY: Don’t you worry then. If he’s eaten your tins he won’t last long. They were out of date in the last decade. EMILY: You are kidding me?! VALERY: Mum, have you thought about visiting a doctor. EMILY: You think that I’m crazy? VALERY: I’m not an expert on that problem. EMILY: It means, you don’t see again, this one either? VALERY: Whom? EMILY: The gay one! VALERY: I can’t see anyone but you, and even that is too much for me! EMILY: Well, I should see a doctor because you’re blind. VALERY: And why do you say I’m blind? EMILY: Because you don’t see anything but yourself and your shitty paintings. Fuck people who say that artists are sensitive, that they can see and feel everything! VALERY: Many people don’t think my paintings are shitty! EMILY: Well, that’s the first proof that the world’s gone completely insane! The fact that they buy other people’s selfportraits! Well, why should a normal person want to have somebody else’s selfportrait? VALERY: It’s the artist that matters, not a model! EMILY: A selfportrait painter! What a profession! VALERY: And couch sitter, or TV watcher, what kind of a profession is that? Let me see what you’ve made with your hands in the 66 years of your life! That’s why you hallucinate, because you don’t do anything! God has created a man to work! EMILY: All that I prepare you eat up! You even don’t see how much I work. I’ve served both you and your children. VALERY: What do you do? You go round the house moving things from one place to another so that we have to ask you where the comb is, where the toothpaste is, to complain how we can’t live without you. That is your strategy to be indispensable, but in fact you don’t work anything! EMILY: Is my strategy that you all get up as if you are at a hotel and sit at breakfast? Have you made you’re bed ever? Have you ever washed your plate? Do you think it’s made and served by itself? And I don’t do anything! VALERY: I remind you that you all eat like wolves, thanks to what I earn by selling my shitty paintings. EMILY: I see! I eat like a wolf! After all you object to my eating. You criticise the way I sit, the way I think, the way I feel and now the way I eat! God sees everything!
Emily shuts all doors and blinds in her head. She raises the drawbridges of her forbidden town, she retreats slamming the door strongly. As the door is slammed, the light flashes and the peacemaker disappears. Valery, who has restrained herself from losing her temper, now bursts out arguing with God as with an equal person and a present one.
VALERY: What’s the matter? Can you see or not? Well, how long do you plan to go on like this? I’m not here for ever. Well, you’ve given me talent, you’ve given me beauty and charm for three women at least. Thank you for the money too. O.K. you’ve given me beautiful children too, but why have you cheated me with such a crazy mother? I can’t understand! What do you need it for, if you are so great and mighty as you like it to be said about you! It’s not fair to screw me only because I’m not a believer!
Natalie enter dangerously calm. Valery turns back to her painting.
NATALIE: Artist, do you know that my child is crying? VALERY: I know that your child is 66. The devil number! NATALIE: And you don’t know why she’s crying? VALERY: I’ve never managed to find out the senseless reasons for her tears. She cries for all reasons, as the wind blows, as the moon shines. She cries in a “l’art pour l’art” way! NATALIE: But in a mysterious way her tears have always something to do with your actions. Tell me about the previous five minutes. VALERY: Five minutes of what? NATALIE: Five minutes of your precious life! VALERY: Well, I’ve just asked God how I could deserve such a crazy mum, but I’ve omitted to ask how he could deceive me with such a weird grandma! NATALIE: We’re going to talk about “ weird” afterwards. I’m not interested in your intimacy with God - but what’s happened to Emily? VALERY: Nothing, as usual. I was painting calmly, when she came in, with that hallucination of hers, about what my son was dreaming of, and she attacked me. NATALIE: And in your self-defence, you’ve broken her soul. VALERY: You’re a mother too, you know what it is like when someone bothers your child. NATALIE: I know. You’ve been mistreating my child for 45 years! VALERY: Granny, she’s crazy! Why don’t you want to admit it? Well, it’s not a shame any more! There’re so many insane people, waving the medical findings of their mental incompetence. NATALIE: She’s not crazy, she’s sensitive! But you don’t want to understand it, being egoistic and rough! VALERY: People today see a mad doctor in for less sensitive problems for example, because of pissing in bed, or nail biting. NATALIE: I won't allow you to compare the sensitivity of my child with bed pissing or nail biting! VALERY: And I won’t allow spying upon my child’s dreams! NATALIE: She doesn’t spy upon anything. Those dreams torture her! He imposes his dreams on her! VALERY: He imposes them on her and not on anyone else. Can you see those torturing dreams of his? NATALIE: I can’t, but I realise that she can! VALERY: Miracles happen only to her! NATALIE: Miracles happen to those who believe in them! VALERY: I also believe in miracles but I don’t spy on other people’s dreams. I have my own. NATALIE: The only miracle you believe in is your genius and nothing else. The whole universe revolves round your poorly tied navel! There hasn’t been such an egocentric person in our family since 1709 when Warrior Chabar sold his father to a Venetian Galley. VALERY: Either she is going to see a shrink or I’m going to take her yself! NATALIE: You are capable of selling your own mother! The same as Warrior! VALERY: Nothing like that! Warrior was given a gold money bag for his father and I’ll have to pay three money bags to cure Emily, if she can be cured at all! NATALIE: You can’t see any similarity, for you’ve turned everything upside down. VALERY: Who’s “we”? NATALIE: You who rule over the second half of this fucking century! We all used to call the coming of 50 000 foreign soldiers - occupation, only you call it “peacemaking”! VALERY: And you can come back to your Golden Middle Ages called Dark Ages for being so sunny! NATALIE: Someone, who like you claims high originality should know that teasing old people at their age is not especially original! VALERY: Grandma, do you realise what you’re spending your last minutes on? You may pass away at any moment! NATALIE: I insist upon your persuading your son to sleep at night like all normal people. VALERY: You know very well that “ normal behaviour” is the last thing I’m going to plead for. Shut the door from the outside, and let me earn our bread! NATALIE: Emily has the right to live in peace! VALERY: If she mentions my son’s dreams once again, I’ll take her to the psychiatrist, tied up if necessary! NATALIE: You can kiss her ass as long as I live! VALERY: It could be in another five minutes, be realistic! NATALIE: Shame on you! You should be ashamed of yourself! I’m going to leave this dictator house, at the cost of my marrying again! I’m going to leave, and I’m going to take my child with me, and let you and you bastards eat fast food!
Natalie leaves in a terrible anger and slams the door with a strength inadequate to her age. Valerie’s painting falls off the easel and frightens her.
VALERY: Screw you all,old witches! I’ll show you! I’ll have a sliding door made!
Scene 2 - THE SMELL OF ATMOSPHERE AND SOUP
Emily serves dinner to Starky and Angela in the dining room.
EMILY: What do you say? How does the soup smell? ANGELA: Your soup is wonderful, granny. EMILY: You are my comfort. You are the only one who loves your granny. And you, Starky, do you like the soup? STARKY: I’m sick of admiring ordinary soup every day. ANGELA: Granny’s soup is not an ordinary one. STARKY: I can hardly wait for the time when we’ll have one pill daily, instead of ordinary food. EMILY: Is it hard for you to chew dumplings? STARKY: It isn’t hard, but it is absurd. When I think only of 21 years, three times a day, for 15 minutes, that makes 69 975 minutes. In seventy thousand minutes, by the speed of light, I could have reached up to... EMILY: And you didn’t count the time you waste sleeping? 21 years multiplied by 600 minutes a day, comes to two million and 499, 000 minutes that you've wasted. Two and a half million minutes. You could’ve grown up in that period. STARKY: I could’ve grown up if you had let me, but you wouldn’t let me breathe! As if you will never grow old if I don’t grow up. ANGELA: Granny, you are a reincarnation of Mileva Einstein. That idea hasn’t occurred to him, because his scientists have already found a substitute for food, but they haven’t found a substitute for sleeping yet. Although it doesn’t mean they won’t find it. That’s a great idea. EMILY: Are the steaks tender? ANGELA: The most tender in the world. EMILY: My beauty! ANGELA: What’s mum doing? EMILY: She’s painting as usual... And a customer has come calling. ANGELA: And in what kind of mood is she? EMILY: As usual.. ANGELA: What do you mean by "as usual"? EMILY: Well, like a dictator, like a terrorist... ANGELA: I should tell her that I’m getting married, so I’m picking the right moment. STARKY: Speaking about a terrorist, it seems that I dreamed about a terrorist a few minutes ago, but he seemed to be somehow uninterested. EMILY; He’s not a terrorist! All we need is a terrorist! STARKY: I beg your pardon? EMILY: Never mind. STARKY: It seems to me that I dreamed even you... EMILY: You didn’t dream about me! ANGELA: What do you think? Is she going to eat me up if I tell her now? EMILY: Who? ANGELA: Valery, if I tell her that I’ve made up my mind to get married. What do you think? Is she going to swallow me? EMILY: In one bite! ANGELA: Do you think so? EMILY: I’m sure! STARKY: Who are you marrying now? ANGELA: Well, Micky... EMILY: I don’t like Micky at all. I’m sorry, baby. ANGELA: Granny, you’re not the one that’s getting married. EMILY: When a girl doesn’t have a father she always falls in love with one old fart. He is 15 years older than you! ANGELA: Only 14, but he looks very well. EMILY: Yes, from his back, but his nose is old. That is as clear as any-thing..
Angela is laughing.
STARKY: What have you found in him? ANGELA: He is so brave, careful and strong. He is as firm as a rock. He released me from Charlie, who behaved as an occupier! STARKY: If you marry everyone who releases you from your former boy friend, we’re going to have a Trojan War. That’s childish. EMILY: I’d be more afraid of the liberator than the occupier. You know what Brana C said.:” I’m not afraid of occupiers, they come and you drive them away in a few years time. O, Lord save me from liberators, they stay for ever!” ANGELA: That’s a witty political aphorism but it has nothing to do with this. EMILY: All the things are related to each other, if you work it out. And you are a clever girl. ANGELA: Today Micky will come to ask me to marry him. I don’t know whether I should warn Valery. STARKY: You’d better warn him. ANGELA: He knows who he is dealing with. He has tact. STARKY: Even if you persuaded me for days, I’d never believe that. ( he gets up) I'm going to sleep for some time. EMILY: Good Lord! STARKY: Why? I haven't slept all night. EMILY: Why don't you sleep at night like all normal people? STARKY: Because I'm not a normal man. ( He leaves) EMILY: You’re not a man at all, but a brat. STARKY: ( comes back) That's because all you let me do was only to grow taller. If a man wants to grow up it isn’t enough to let him eat. You should let me think. EMILY: You should be permitted to do something but your beloved mummy wouldn’t allow it. She likes you to depend on her! STARKY: Let mummy alone, she doesn't even notice me. You put pressure on me. Change your socks, cut your nails, breath through your nose, shut the window, put on your slippers, button up your shirt... (Starky leaves.) EMILY: If socks are your way of growing up, you can wear them till they begin to stink. I'm not going to buy them for you any more. ANGELA: Don't worry he hasn’t slept enough... EMILY: I won't. Why should I be the only one who worries. ANGELA: I’m going to sniff Valery’s mood and judge the moment. ( She moves, but then comes back and kisses granny) Your dinner was wonderful, granny! EMILY: Thank you my dear, without you all my work would be useless. ANGELA: Do you want a cigarette? EMILY: Yes, please, but don't tell Natalie. ANGELA: Why are you afraid of your mum, you are not a little girl any more. EMILY: I know, but I don't want her to worry. ANGELA: I love you, ciao.
Angela leaves. Natalie enters.
NATALIE: Are we going to have that tea?
Scene 3. - A CUSTOMER, MAECENAS, BOREDOM
Valery is finishing her Selfportrait with a blue rose. Olomir is hanging around trying to attract her attention and succeeds only in knocking over something. He manages at any rate to draw her atention.
OLOMIR: And how much is this one? VALERY: That one doesn’t have a price, it hasn’t been finished yet. OLOMIR: It doesn’t matter, I like it just as it is now. Tell me any price. I won’t mind, any price you say. VALERY: I must finish it first. OLOMIR: You needn’t finish it because I want to buy it just as it is now. VALERY: Sir... What did you say your name was? OLOMIR: You’ve forgotten my name again! Although I come every Friday! VALERY: I’m sorry. OLOMIR: Olomir Cutter, you can call me Oly, or Cutty. VALERY: Sir, creativity has its rules and I must finish the painting so that it has some purpose. OLOMIR: You must, but Rembrant didn’t have to. VALERY: I don’t care for that painter of fat buttocky ladies. Anyway if he hadn’t finished something it means he died then, but I’m still alive. OLOMIR: But you may spoil something! VALERY: You mean that I may spoil my picture? You are an idiot! OLOMIR: I didn’t want to offend you. I mean, what do you need an eye on the shoulder, for, when you already have one on the profile, and one on the forehead. If you put one on the elbow, it will look like Cyclops, ha, ha... VALERY: Restrain your wittiness vis-a'-vis Cyclops. OLOMIR: Why don’t you sell the painting to me as it is now? It will hang wonderfully on my staircase. VALERY: On your staircase?! OLOMIR: There’s no room anywhere else. Everything is full. VALERY: If you don’t have a worthy space, stop buying pictures! OLOMIR: If I stop, who’ll buy your pictures? VALERY: What do you mean? OLOMIR: I buy all of them. Don’t pretend not to know it! VALERY: Do you want to say that I’m your private painter?! OLOMIR: Oh no. You’re angry with me again, but I’m the most faithful admirer of your pictures and of your personality. VALERY: The most faithful doesn’t mean the only one! OLOMIR: Yes, but I understand best all your ideas and aspirations. I’m like your Maecenas. VALERY: What kind of Maecenas? You aren’t the Pope! OLOMIR: But you aren’t Michelangelo either! I’m sorry. VALERY: You are an ordinary customer and if you continue behaving so tactlessly I won’t let you come to my studio again. You can drag yourself around galleries instead.
Angela enters and grasps the situation immediately, so she doesn’t interfere but waits for a better opportunity.
OLOMIR: Valery cherie, why are you so cruel to me?
Olomir becomes nervous and spills yellow oil paint.
VALERY: Don’t call me Valery cherie! It drives me mad to hear it! And why have you spilt my yellow paint? You are so terribly clumsy!
Olomir takes off his shawl and even his coat, and wipes the spilt paint off.
OLOMIR: I’m sorry I didn’t want to. I’ll buy you three yellow paint and opaque and green too! If only you forgive me. I’m really clumsy, when you’re so cruel to me! VALERY: Don’t spread it out on the floor! How can I wash it afterwards? OLOMIR: It’s dirty all over here anyway. I’d rather not step on it. VALERY: (notices Angela) Hello, dear, when did you arrive? ANGELA: I’ve been here for a while; I didn’t want to interrupt! VALERY: You can never interrupt me. Come here and let me kiss you. ANGELA: I can come a bit later. VALERY: Mr. Olomir Cutter’s just leaving. OLOMIR: I’m not leaving... why should I? VALERY: You’re just going home. You have duties. OLOMIR: I have no duties. I’ve finished all of them, and I’m at your disposal. VALERY: But, I’m busy! Can’t you understand? OLOMIR: I can, absolutely. I can understand everything, but I’ve come to buy a picture, and I’ve not bought it. ANGELA: It’s all right, mum. I can come later. I’m here. VALERY: Listen man, you can’t buy a picture, as I’m preparing them for the exhibition. When the exhibition is over... OLOMIR: But the Selfportrait with a Blue Rose, isn’t going to be exhibited,that’s what you’ve said. VALERY: But I’ve also told you that it’s not finished yet! And don’t make me pretend to be a tape recorder! I don’t want to repeat my self any longer! OLOMIR: I don’t know why you keep on repeating yourself, when I’ve told you I don’t mind it’s being unfinished. I want it just as it is! VALERY: I don’t care what you want! Let me talk to my child! OLOMIR: But, if I don’t buy anything this week, what are you going to live on?! VALERY: None of your business, you boring man! OLOMIR: Excuse me, I didn’t know I was boring. I only wanted... ANGELA: It’s not urgent, mum, we can talk later. OLOMIR: Of course, of course, I don’t want to interfere, but if the young lady isn’t in a hurry, then I can ... VALERY: Mr. Cutter, if you don’t leave my studio right now, I’ll paint you green with pink spots, so you can hang yourself on your fucking staircase! OLOMIR: (to Angela) What a temperament you mother has! ANGELA; Don’t blame her, that’s the way she is. OLOMIR: I don’t blame her ofcourse, but it’s not easy. VALERY: You’re still here? OLOMIR: I’m leaving now, but I’m coming next Friday. I suppose it’s going to be finished. Good-bye young lady. Good-bye Valery-cherie! (Olomir leaves rather upset. Then he comes back.) I’ve left my little hat... ( He leaves finally.) ANGELA: I bet he won’t be able to find the way out! Poor man. He’s crazy about you. VALERY: He’s crazy even without me! What did you want? ANGELA: Nothing. He’s made you upset. VALERY: Play me something.
Scene 4. - LIVE DREAMS
NATALIE: Are we going to have that tea? EMILY: I don’t know! Starky’s going to sleep again. NATALIE: You are afraid? EMILY: Yes, I am. NATALIE: Don’t be. Those are only dreams. He can’t harm you. EMILY: Shall I go to town till it’s all over? NATALIE: Don’t run away. It’s worse. Don’t worry. I’m here. EMILY: I cant watch it any longer. And you know what Valery is up to if I mention it once again. NATALIE: Valery’s going to kiss your ass! Don’t talk to her about it, and there'll be no problem. EMILY: I can keep my mouth shut, but what if he has frightening dreams, so that I must scream?! NATALIE: If only I could see it! Do stay here, so that I can have it "live". EMILY: What "live"? NATALIE: Well, live dream. It’s not the same when you talk to me afterwards. If it’s live, that’s something special! Please, do it. I’m going to put the kettle on. EMILY: I’d rather not be here... NATALIE: Don’t be a coward. EMILY: At night, I can escape to my own dreams at least. NATALIE: Look at it from the better side. You have power like nobody else. Don’t be feeble-kneed. EMILY: All right, but if only you would stay beside me. NATALIE: Is he going right now? EMILY: What? NATALIE: To begin to dream. EMILY: I don’t know. Perhaps he’s reading something. NATALIE: And how long does it take him to fall asleep, if he reads? EMILY: Three pages if the book is serious. NATALIE: We’ll wait that long. EMILY: Sugar? NATALIE: And milk too, please... I’ll have to arange a meeting here tomorrow. We failed to hire a hall. EMILY: What kind of meeting? NATALIE: I’ve formed my own party. I’ve told you about it. EMILY: I though you’re kidding. A political party? NATALIE: Well, of course, every idiot’s got his own party. EMILY: You aren’t an idiot, mum! NATALIE: No, I’m not! But I haven’t had a better idea about how to spend my free time. EMILY: You’re not going to take part in politics seriously at your age? NATALIE: All people at my age are engaged in politics. Don’t you watch TV? Each summit is like a meeting of the gerontology club. They attempted to assassinate a hundred year old president, and suspense rises as people wait for him to survive. As if it wasn’t better for him to die by assassination than from a pimple on his ass. I only mind their absence of dignity and style. EMILY: You’ve always taught us that politics is the worst vice, in fact power. NATALIE: Just for that reason, I can’t choose vice at my age. A doctor’s forbidden me to smoke, saying, I’m can to live for a life time, if I give up smoking. You’ve forbidden me alcohol ‘cause I make trouble when I drink. Men of my age are incapable of sex, and young men are put off by my age, so they avoid me. Only politics and gambling are available to me. Gambling requires a lot of money, that’s why all people are engaged in politics. People must have some vice. EMILY: I haven’t got any vices, but I’m still alive! NATALIE: Yes, you’ve got some, but I like you and I don’t want to bother you... If only he would start? EMILY: Who do you mean start, mum? And what? NATALIE: Well, dream, what are we waiting for? You forget things easily, my child. How about taking those pills again? EMILY: Do you have any programme for that party of yours? NATALIE: I’ll think up something before the elections. EMILY: Are you going to run for president? NATALIE: Of course. Not to the city council! EMILY: But you don’t have any chance without a party programme! The race’s already started. NATALIE: I’ve got that part of the programme which is common to all parties. EMILY: And what’s common to all parties? NATALIE: The fact they want to take over power. And wonderful promises are for the naive. I’ll think of something shining and colourful before the elections.
Two enormous men enter. Emily gets frightened.
EMILY: Mum, it’s started. NATALIE: ( closes her eyes and is all ears) What’s going on? Tell me quickly! EMILY: Two orang-utangs are coming in! NATALIE: The idiot is dreaming about monkeys. EMILY: No, two enormous men. They’re so ugly, one can’t bear to look at them. NATALIE: What’re they doing? EMILY: They’re sniffing around the house as if looking for something... One is peeping into the oven. NATALIE: He may be hungry... EMILY: If you only knew how enormous he is! He may want only blood! NATALIE: Our Starky must be a coward as he dreams of gorillas all the time. I hope he’s not a gay! EMILY: I’m surprised there’s no music. NATALIE: What kind of music? EMILY: His dreams are always followed by music. NATALIE: It means he’s sensitive. Does he have colour dreams? EMILY: Yes, colour. Mum, they’re armed! NATALIE: Don’t be afraid, I’m here! EMILY: They’re approaching us! NATALIE: ( opens her eyes) I can see them too. I can see dreams. Do you see what desire, will and concentration can do. Hurrey! EMILY: Do you realise now how awful it is? NATALIE: Don’t be a child! They can’t harm you!
Gorillas come closer to them. They search them silently, as if they had the right to do that, and as if they were dolls.
NATALIE: Oh, you, what are you doing? EMILY: Muumuu... NATALIE: Look at the ass! Release me!
When they searched everything the gorillas went away through the other door.
NATALIE: What happened? Where’ve they gone? EMILY: I don’t know. Mum... NATALIE: Let’s follow them to see. EMILY: Wait a moment, mum. I’m afraid it wasn’t a dream. NATALIE: You’re afraid when it’s a dream, you’re afraid when it’s not. You behave as if you’re not at home.
Scene 5.- TEA MADE OF MEMORIES
It continues on from the scene 3.
ANGELA: Nothing, he’s made you upset. VALERY: Play me, something
Angela starts to play. She keeps on doing it for a while, Valery paints.
ANGELA: Mum, you’ve never told me about your getting married to dad... VALERY: What’s there to talk about? ANGELA: Tell me anyway... VALERY: I got married in 5 minutes and it took me a whole year to get divorced. ANGELA: He still loved you? He didn’t want to give you a divorce? VALERY: He wanted, but the state didn’t. ANGELA: Why the state? VALERY: Because of you two. The state wanted to know who exactly was going to support the children. Lucky was a student, and I was at the beginning of a career that doesn’t earn any bread.
ANGELA: What does it have to do with the state? ANGELA: You’re so gloomy. I’m surprised that you use colours at all in your paintings. That’s not logical. It would take more than a hundred years for thousands of orphans to eat up a single test bomber that could eventually crash on its first test flight. VALERY: But, there’s no commission on feeding orphans. ANGELA: I don’t understand... VALERY: The producers of orphans don’t give commission, the producers of weapons do. Do you get it now? ANGELA: Yes, but I didn’t ask you about getting divorce from the state! I asked how you got married to dad. VALERY: It was easy, there are photos somewhere in the attic. I’ll show them to you once... ANGELA: I’ve seen the photos. I want to hear the story! VALERY: O.K. then, if you want it right now... Anyway I had thought to have a little chat with you about contraception. ANGELA: Mum! VALERY: Yes, dear! ANGELA: Tell me about the wedding! VALERY: Yes, I’m going to. At that time contraception was not quite reliable... ANGELA: You mean to say, that you had to marry because of us two... VALERY: I didn’t know there were two of you at the time. I was still suspicious of ultra-sound. ANGELA: You thought there was only Starky? VALERY: I thought there was only you. ANGELA: You’re just trying to comfort me because you’ve disappointed me. VALERY: To disappoint a girl at your age is the easiest thing in the world. ANGELA: I’d never thought you married just because you were pregnant, like a little peasant girl. I find it hard to believe that you weren’t even in love. VALERY: Who told you that? I was madly in love! I pressed and kept in my note-book the leaves he had stepped on.. ANGELA: That’s what I want to hear! How did you get to know him? VALERY: Whom? ANGELA: Lucky, good Lord! My daddy! VALERY: I’ve never got to know him! He’s remained unknown to me. ANGELA: Not that, but how did you fall in love with him?! VALERY: At first sight. It was like lightning. ANGELA: That’s the story I want to hear! VALERY: Although he claimed afterwards that I lied because it took me half a year to notice him. He said I couldn’t even remember his name. ANGELA: Tell me the truth. Was it at first sight or had you known each other for six months? VALERY: We’d known each other for six months, but it was at first sight. ANGELA: Don’t kid me! VALERY: I’m not kidding you! I still remember. I graduated with the highest marks , but it was a great effort. I stepped out of the University building and the street was shinny. I felt empty, helpless and somehow frightened. I didn’t know what to do next. I had overcome all the obstacles, and finally I didn’t realise why... Then I met him and he was extremely handsome... It was at first sight, I tell you. ANGELA: And half a year before that, you didn’t notice he was handsome? VALERY: That’s what he claimed afterwards. ANGELA: And after that you probably threw away all the leaves he walked on, just because he made you angry about something. VALERY: No, I didn’t. Emily crumbled the leaves to make tea at the time of some great crisis... ANGELA: Emily had tea out of your memories? VALERY: That’s right. You know nothing about Emily!
Angela stops playing. Valery still paints.
ANGELA: Are you in better mood now? VALERY: Yes, I am, why do you ask? ANGELA: Because I’ve decided to get married. VALERY: Are you serious? ANGELA: Yes, I am. VALERY: Why? ANGELA: One usually asks “who to” ? VALERY: All I want to know is: WHY? ANGELA: Because I’ve fallen in love! VALERY: My dear child, when people fall in love, they simply make love. They don’t have to marry. ANGELA: I know that. I don’t have to, but I want to. VALERY: For what reason? ANGELA: Because... because... because I want to! VALERY: That’s not an answer. You don’t know why - it means, in fact, that you don’t really want to marry! ANGELA: I want to, I know I want to! Micky’s going to come today. VALERY” When a girl like you prepares and plays her first great concert she normally starts to feel something called “the finished work syndrome”. It’s a depressing syndrome, usually harmless, except that you can fall in love with the first fool that turns up. ANGELA: My Micky is not a fool. VALERY: I didn’t say you were aware of his being a fool. ANGELA: After all, I’m not that kind of a woman, that falls in love when she has nothing better to do! VALERY: All women are of that kind. It’s pure chemistry. Some women fall in love in September, some in December, many of them in May, and artists at the time of the “finished work syndrome”. ANGELA: ( ironically) How romantic! VALERY: Romantic or not, that’s how it is. ANGELA: Whether it is or not, I’m going to marry anyway! VALERY: I don’t think it’s clever. ANGELA: Why should I be the only one that's obliged to be clever?! VALERY: It’s so sad that experience isn’t transferred... ANGELA: It’s not sad! If experience were transferable, we shouldn’t live at all. The fact that Adam and Eve lived would be enough, and we learning from their experience, could stop living right away! VALERY: Haven’t you gone too far? ANGELA: Too far or not, I’m getting married anyway! I only wanted to let you know!
Angela goes away leaving the doors open.
Scene 6. THE TROJAN HORSE
It continues on from scene 4.
NATALIE: You’re afraid when it’s a dream, you’re afraid when it’s not a dream. Something’s wrong with you as if you’re not at home. EMILY: Mum, don’t be suspicious, please! You’ve also seen them... NATALIE: With my own eyes! EMILY: There was no music. NATALIE: You stuck to music, as a drunk man to a street lamp. EMILY: Besides I’ve always only seen the dreams, I’ve never been searched before. NATALIE: Those creatures searched us thoroughly. EMILY: I’m sure it wasn’t a dream! NATALIE: If it isn’t a dream, what’s it then? Who are those two drips? EMILY: I don’t know. NATALIE: Shall we call Valery or the police? EMILY: Wait a minute! I know what’s going on. NATALIE: If you took pills, you’d know right away, you wouldn’t give me such trouble. EMILY: Micky’s coming to ask Angela to marry him! NATALIE: I beg your pardon?! Such a chimpanzee to propose to our pet girl?! That’s out of the question! EMILY: You don’t understand! NATALIE: And which of them is he with or without a moustache? EMILY: None of them. They’re his bodyguards. They’re testing the terrain before he comes. He’s a terribly important sort. NATALIE: How come I’ve never seen them before? EMILY: They were here only once, when you were at a spa. NATALIE: Did they behave in the same way as orang-utangs? EMILY: The same. NATALIE: How did Valery take it, damn? EMILY: She smashed them. NATALIE: Fuck my luck! why do I always get stuck at a spa at the crucial moment. Spit it out! EMILY: There’s nothing to talk about. She was busy painting her Selfportrait in a crowd. You know the one: she in the foreground and demonstrations behind her, tear gas and water guns. NATALIE: The one that the crazy Yankee bought? EMILY: That one! She was completing the red beret, when they came in, and started to sniff around. One of them spilt her favourite purple paint... NATALIE: Holy cunt! And then? EMILY: She screwed them without even noticing it. I wet my panties laughing! NATALIE: She cut them up into little pieces like firewood by the fire place? EMILY: Just like that! Good thing that we’ve got a fireplace! NATALIE: That’s what I like about Valery. She’s got guts. My grandchild!And did the boss react, I mean the suitor or however they call him? EMILY: Micky. Angela managed to explain to him somehow that they were to blame for intruding on Valery’s whirlpool of creativity and inspiration so he fired them. He’s still in love, and he’s full of understanding. There will be a palaver when he cools down. I don’t like him. NATALIE: After all he is not so bad... what was his name? EMILY: Micky... NATALIE: A fellow with such a bunch of bodyguards could be useful to me at the elections. I’m going to take a close look at them...
Natalie moves, but Emily stops her. The unusual sound of music is heard, and the Trojan horse comes in.
EMILY: Wait a minute, mum, you’ve promised me... NATALIE: What have I promised you? EMILY: That you’ll be next to me, when it comes. NATALIE: When comes what? EMILY: Shit! The dream. It’s come! NATALIE: Has it? What do you see? EMILY: The Trojan horse. NATALIE: The Trojan horse? Where? EMILY: Right here. Don’t you see it? NATALIE: I don’t see a thing! EMILY: So, that’s it! NATALIE: What? Oh yes, I’ve got it. Is it big? EMILY: What? NATALIE: Well, the horse! EMILY: Not like in a film, but it’s quite big. NATALIE: Wooden? EMILY: I don’t know. Here they come out.
NATALIE: Trojans? NATALIE: How can you tell the horse is Trojan then? EMILY: It looks like one... NATALIE: So, what are they doing? EMILY: Who? NATALIE: Martians, Trojans, whoever they are? EMILY: They’re dancing, do you hear the music? NATALIE: I don’t hear a thing. What kind of music is it? EMILY: It’s beautiful, although strange... and too loud... NATALIE: Even in his dreams he is deaf, silly idiot. What’s the dance like? EMILY: Unusual... NATALIE: Unlike the usual Martian dance which is completely unknown to me, as well. EMILY: I can’t describe it to you... NATALIE: Show me then! Try!
Emily tries to show how the Martians' dance.
EMILY: I can’t... mum... They’re taking their clothes off. NATALIE: Why? Aren’t they cold? EMILY: I don’t know... mum NATALIE: Pardon? EMILY: That’s striptease... NATALIE: Terrific! Go on talking! EMILY: Mum, this is a porno dream... well, that Starky’s really shameless. What a dream! He’s vulgar! NATALIE: What does he need a porno dream for? At his age he can have real sex. EMILY: Pity, you can’t see this... NATALIE: Yes, it is! ... Listen Emily... EMILY: Pardon? NATALIE: I don’t understand, what does he need a porno dream for? EMILY: Neither do I. He’s so indecent. NATALIE: Might it be just your imagination? EMILY: Oh, mum, not you too! NATALIE: I don’t blame you at all. You’re still a young woman, it’s normal. EMILY: Shame on you! NATALIE: Don’t be angry now! I meant nothing wrong. You’re so terribly sensitive!
It gets dark suddenly.
EMILY: What’s going on now? NATALIE: You can see! I can't see anything. EMILY: Neither can I! NATALIE: That’s because you’ve got angry with me and you’ve lost your concentration! EMILY: He must’ve woken up! NATALIE: Who? EMILY: Starky, mum! For Lord’s sake, what’s the matter with you!?
Starky enters and turns on the light. The horse and the Martians have disappeared.
STARKY: Why are you sitting in the dark? EMILY: You see he’s woken up? I’ve told you! NATALIE: We’re saving power and having tea. STARKY: Who’s woken me up? All of a sudden I’ve found myself on the floor by my bed. EMILY: You must have dreamed something exciting so you fell out of your bed! STARKY: But I’ve seen two fellows leaving my room. NATALIE: The Martians? Naked? STARKY: Who’s talking about naked Martians, granny, what’s the matter with you? They are two bodybuilders of our race. EMILY: Oh, them! They are Mickey’s bodyguards. They are searching the house! STARKY: As for you, you may put up with searching the house, but as for me and my bed I’ll fuck them all! For a start, I’ll mount their aunt! You'll just see if I can't. EMILY: Calm down! There’s no use. They are stronger than you.
STARKY: Let me go! They may be stronger, but I’m cunning. Where did they go? STARKY: Then there’s no use hurrying. Valery’s going to smash them better than me! Pity!
Scene 7 - POETIC LICENSE
Valery’s studio. Bodyguards are lying down, on the floor. Valery recites her freshly made rhymes over them. Emily, Natalie, and Starky surround her delighted.
VALERY: I’ll fuck your best friend, An uncle of yours, will be fucked of course! I’ll have you son, without a gun. Ever ready for your daddy, But I’d rather screw your brother. NATALIE: And, what’s the title of your poem? VALERY: The title is: I’ll fuck them all! Isn’t it clear to you? STARKY: Wait a minute, mum! Tell us how that happened? VALERY: Follow the rhymes and you’ll get it. STARKY: I want to know the details: every knockout, direct, mae gerry, every punch, every kick. VALERY: Even I don’t know all the details STARKY: And what you know is? VALERY: I was just finishing The Blue rose, when I saw a huge fat hairy arm dipping into my aquamarine. I had a black out at that moment. STARKY: At that moment, already? NATALIE: Pity! The story must be super! EMILY: ( to Natalie quietly) And she claims that I’m crazy! STARKY: And you don’t remember anything? VALERY: I only remember, being overwhelmed by vulcanic anger with the true lava of inspiration. Lava shiny and hot. That’s the feeling you can’t describe! STARKY: Don’t you remember how you flattened them like that? VALERY: By the way... somehow... EMILY: (quietly) That’s how she flattens all of us by the way! VALERY:... while a poet was rising up inside me, while the poem was happening in my soul. And the poem is: Fuck your grandpa in the spa! Your neighbour next door, pumped on the floor! It’ll never grow, to your father in law! Even your dog, lays like a log! Only by luck, your cat escapes a fuck.
Angela and Micky enter. Two fellows follow them carrying lot of presents.
ANGELA: Hello, mum! You’re all here. Hi everybody. Micky’s come. MICKY: Good afternoon! I’m honoured to be received in your noble house. VALERY: Oh, it’s you! Those are your employees that bumped in here in the most inconvenient moment. ( most charming) Sorry, a little misunderstanding, again. MICKY: I’m delighted. They were my employees. ( to his gorillas) Carry them out!
Gorillas are carrying out ex gorillas.
VALERY: They’re still moving ... I think they’re not... They breathe... MICKY: Never mind. madam. They should be honoured to be knocked out by such fine, harmless lady. STARKY: Listen, a harmless lady! Quel mensonge! MICKY: The gentleman is? ANGELA: You’ve met. My twinbrother Starky. STARKY: We’ll be introducing each other till he remembers me! MICKY: What’s your present occupation? STARKY: I’m studying you. And you do the business? MICKY: That’s right. STARKY: And what kind of business, that’s confidential, I suppose. MICKY: You’re right. I could’ve bet.
Starky gives an important look to Emily.
ANGELA: You’ve met granny... MICKY: Madam is a grandma already. I’d never tell. I’m delighted. Allow me to express my deepest respect!
He gives Emily a big present, that she takes it reluctantly.
EMILY: You shouldn’t have!
Gorillas come back. They pick up the remaining gifts and stand still.
ANGELA: Grand - grandma was in the spa when you were here last time. That’s why you didn’t meet. MICKY: Angela tells fairy tales about you, but now I see she was too modest. This is an expression of my admiration.
Giving her an enormous gift. She starts unpacking right away.
NATALIE: Young kind gentleman, you’re very kind. STARKY: Great grandma, have you drunk anything? MICKY: And for my respected lady Valery, something special, allow me...
He gives the present to her also. And the last one he sends by gorilla.
That one is for a respected brother.
Gorilla gives the present to Starky. Emily puts her parcel on the floor. Starky too. Valery seeing that stops unpacking. Only Natalie fails to notice what’s going on. Tension rises. Angela tries to calm down the situation.
ANGELA: Granny, aren’t you going to see what you’ve got? EMILY: I’m going to see these days... ANGELA: We chose it together for you. EMILY: Thank you, my dear... ANGELA: And you mum, you seemed to be in high spirits, when we came in. VALERY: I’m in high spirits even now! You’re lucky, I’ve become a poetess. STARKY: Knocking off gorillas aids powerfully her poetic inspiration. Send her two pieces every day. ANGELA: Where is your curiosity? VALERY: Young man, might it be possible for the gentlemen to get themselves out of here. MICKY: With pleasure, my dear lady! ( to gorillas) Get out!
The gorillas leave in silence.
ANGELA: Mummy, I’ve told you we’ve come to... VALERY: I know why you’ve came. STARKY: You’re supposed to be enthusiastic, mum.
Natalie, who has been unwrapping her parcel, finally succeeds and find a megaphone in her hands. She has been trying to use it and playing like a child she will speak thorough it.
NATALIE: I thank the young gentelman... MICKY: I thought you may need it in your campaign. NATALIE: ( to Angela) You’ve told him? ANGELA: I know nothing about that ... MICKY: I have my sources, with all due respect lady.
The atmosphere calms down.
MICKY: ( to Valery) Could we sit down somewhere? EMILY: You, young man, can sit over there if it suits you...
She shows him the armchair on the pedestal for models. Micky sits not minding that all the others are standing.
MICKY: I’d like you to call me by my name, Mickey... EMILY: I’d like too, but I can’t... VALERY: I’ll sketch you. You’ll serve as a background, that’ll help me to know you better... ANGELA: Mum, I know him. That’s all that matters. (she sits next to M.) EMILY: It’s enough for you, not for us! NATALIE: (through the megaphone) Micky, say it now or they’ll never let you speak! That’s how it is with women, young man. MICKY: I’ve come to ask for your daughter’s hand. STARKY: I thought he would ask for the whole girl, not just her hand.
Valery starts to draw Micky, perhaps Angela with him, but the picture turns out to be gloomy because she has difficulties in her work.
VALERY: Well... if she wants... I'll give you my daughter's hand. STARKY: She wants everything...
Emily yields quietly with pain. Starky spits and leaves the room. Angela hugs Micky.
ANGELA: Haven't I told you that mum’s wonderful!? VALERY: But, you have to learn some things. NATALIE: (megaphone) Our Angela is a princess, so you have to be a knight. EMILY: Take it easy, mum. This is serious. VALERY: First of all: in our house marriage's never been considered as a remedy against boredom or any other disease. NATALIE:( megaphone) Even against sterility! VALERY: A husband has never been God or master of the game. NATALIE: (megaphone) So, Valery’s thrown her husband away, just after using him, namely, after he’d made her pregnant. VALERY: Natalie’s spent several husbands, but history doesn’t say how she got rid of them. The fact is that she is here and they are gone! EMILY: I loved and respected my husband but he was... VALERY: He was a gourmand and as a result of her cooking he died at 47 because of arteriosclerosis,lipides, heart attack, cirrhosis and a stroke. EMILY: I’ll never forgive you for this. Never. NATALIE: (megaphone) You’re lucky Angela doesn’t know how to cook. VALERY: Next: I haven’t given birth to the precious creature that’s grown beneath my heart just to wash some drip’s socks. ANGELA: Mum, my Micky is not a drip! EMILY: A drip is everyone who needs his socks to be washed. NATALY: (mg) Washed shirts and ironed socks are out of question! MICKY: There’s no need to waste words, I have servants. I’m getting married as I’m in love. VALERY; We used to get married because we were in love, but love is used up through misunderstandings, through being late, through waiting. It’s spent more quickly than you can imagine. Now you can spend more than you have.
Starky comes in carrying Olomir covered in blood. He speaks to Micky with poison.
STARKY: I’ve found this man in the bathroom. I suppose he’s the victim of your gorillas... ANGELA: Good lord, Micky! What’re we going to do now? We didn’t need this. NATALY: It’s disgusting! I can’t stand blood. I’m sorry
Micky whistles and the gorillas come in. Natalie leaves the room.
MICKY: What’s happened with this man? GORILLAS: We have no idea, we were in front of the door!
Micky waves away and the gorillas leave.
MICKY: You see it wasn’t them. He slipped on the soap. STARKY: Perhaps it wasn’t them, but surely those were the previous two. MICKY: We can’t know that, because they were knocked out by the lady. STARKY: And before madam discharged them, they’d probably killed this man. MICKY: My men are not murderers. VALERY: That’s what we’re going to check. (She bends over Olomir) Mr Cutter, what happened to you? Hi sir! OLOMIR: I ... haven’t found the way out... ANGELA: I’ve told you he won’t find the way out! VALERY: And what happened next? EMILY: This is a madhouse, I don’t have to look for another one! OLOMIR: Instead of the way out I’ve found the bathroom I entered... well, I had to... VALERY: O.K. what happened then? OLOMIR: I didn’t lock the door. I don’t have the habit as I live alone and since there was no key... MICKY: O.K. Cut it short, what happened next? OLOMIR: I don't know the unpleasant gentleman. VALERY: You'll be introduced to each other but tell us what happened next? OLOMIR: I was just unbuttoning my trousers.. well... you know, when two fellows came in and started to touch me, gays, I suppose! (Angela and Valery are laughing) It wasn't funny. I had to. I'm sorry mum that it happened in your house.... VALERY: It's not your fault, one can't help pissing. OLOMIR: Oh, not that! I mean I'm sorry because I had to beat them... MICKY: You see he was the one who started fighting. My men are peaceful. OLOMIR: I may have killed someone... STARKY: In a word you smashed them. OLOMIR: I'm so sorry because it happened in your bathroom. It was inevitable in the situation. I'll make it up to you for all the damage.. STARKY: And how did it happen that I found you fainted on the floor and no trace of them? OLOMIR: I don't know... They must've run away, despicable bastards. MICKY: Can anyone tell me who’s this lying fool? OLOMIR: I never lie! I demand satisfaction! ANGELA: The gentleman is not a fool, he is a buyer of mum's paintings and an admirer of her art! MICKY: (to Valery) I'm really sorry madam. This is a terrible misunderstanding. I'll bear all the consequences... STARKY: So mum, this is the fellow who's trashed the gorillas, not you? VALERY: (laughing) It seems to me he's only shaken them a bit for they came in here solid as a rock! EMILY: And what're we going to do with the man now? MICKY: I'm going to take him to hospital. OLOMIR: The only place you can take me away to is somewhere to fight a duel. VALERY: We'll keep the gentleman in our house until he recovers a bit. (to Starky) Take him to the small guest room. OLOMIR: Valery cherie, you're not angry with me? I’m the happiest man in the world...
Starky takes out Olomir, the happiest.
VALERY: I'm going to kill him one of these days for "Valery cherie". (to Micky) Young man, what did you say your name was? ANGELA: Micky, mum. Micky Cutter's his name. EMILY: (to herself) Thank Lord she's forgotten him too! VALERY: From now on I'll consider bringing gorillas to my house as a lack of trust and offence! MICKY: I've understood that. I apologize sincerely. VALERY: You're lucky I keep my word, otherwise you'd go home without the girl because of this shit. ANGELA: Mum you're wonderful! EMILY: Angela is tender and sensitive. Be good to her.
Emily gently weeps. Starky and Natalie come back.
VALERY: Another small detail: don't think that if there’s no man in the house...
Micky is laughing.
ANGELA: Don't laugh, please! STARKY: Thanks for the compliment, mum... VALERY: ... that my Angela has no protection. To be precise: if you scratch her with your little nail or if you just harm her with a look, throw away immediately all your caps, hats, wigs, walk- men glasses. MICKY: I don't understand, why? NATALIE: (megaphone) Because you won't have anything to put them on! VALERY: So, if you still want her hand... take her (She stretches her arm towards him. They shake hands). MICKY: Right now? VALERY: Right now or are you waiting for me to change my mind? EMILY: (gently weeps) Oh no, Valery! How could I give birth to such a crazy child? MICKY: When do I fix the time for the wedding? VALERY: Well, the wedding will be fixed in a year or two if Angela doesn't change her mind.
Now the general disturbance comes; they grab each other. Starky is on his feet, he whistles and starts to dance singing something like "how Valery fucked up Micky". Emily joins him after a while.
ANGELA: Mum, you want me to be his concubine! EMILY: (kissing Valery) My little clever one. My only precious child, I knew you wouldn't allow such stupidities. My clever girl. MICKY: And what will happen if the child comes. VALERY: We'll take care of him, we have plenty of grannies!
Starky and Emily dance as if they were at the wedding.
NATALIE: (megaphone) Dear listeners, our light- hearted programme here comes to an end. It will be on again next year if we don't change our mind or in ten minutes if we change our opinion.
(Those who want a break can take it now and please themselves although it's a bit early)
Scene 8 - AN AMATEUR LADY FROM THE OPPOSITION
The wall of Valery's studio is all covered with Natalie's campaign posters with her picture, of course, and a slogan: I know what you need.
EMILY: You'll be eaten up like a chicken by Valery when she sees what you've done to her south wall. NATALIE: Who? Valery? She is opening her exhibition. She wouldn't notice even an atomic explosion. EMILY: She'll notice when the exhibition is over... NATALIE: She may take them off then, I don't care. All I need is to feel the atmosphere and to master the situation. EMILY: In fact, you don't have any idea about your promotion speel... NATALIE: Oh yes, I do. I have the whole speech but I don't know how to begin, I don't know who I'm supposed to talk to... EMILY: To the people, the crowd, I guess, it's going to be a meeting, isn't it? NATALIE: Am I supposed to say: O crowd, you don't have any choice but to elect me! You don't have the slightest idea about anything! EMILY: Say: people! NATALIE: People or crowd, that's the same thing. Besides, I have nothing in common with those people who push each other on buses, smell of garlic and listen to folk music. EMILY: Say: Brothers and sisters! NATALIE: I'm not a priest! EMILY: Ladies and gentlemen, then! NATALIE: They'll think I'm fooling them. There are no gentlemen here! EMILY: No, they won't. They believe one can become a gentleman overnight if he buys a tie. They believe they are gentlemen. NATALIE: I really don't want to flatter the upstarts. EMILY: Comrades, you won't say either! NATALIE: I'm not left to that extent. EMILY: I suppose you're not right either. NATALIE: No, but I'm far from being extremely left! EMILY: Say working people then! NATALIE: Working people are a minority! What I need is a majority! EMILY: In that case you can't say: You, the manufacturers, because there are few of them. And the importers would be inconvenient as well. NATALIE: Who would begin a speech saying: Dear importers? You are silly! EMILY: Now I know! Citizens... NATALIE: Like Napoleon! EMILY: O.K. Town people and peasants! NATALIE: Peasants get mad when you call them peasants. EMILY: Is there anything else left? NATALIE: Now you see the problem! EMILY: Are you sure you don't want anything referring to the nation, because it's in? NATALIE: I don't want to be in, I want something original! EMILY: How about giving it all up and finishing your Gobelin, the one that's called: Gipsy girl with a tear on her left cheek. NATALIE: To give it up now when I'm so close to a good position?! Go wash the dishes for God's sake! You aren't of any help to me! EMILY: I've got it! Fellow countrymen! NATALIE: It's disgusting! You are getting old so quickly! Half of the inhabitants of this country are not my fellow countrymen, they are new comers. EMILY: You can say then: inhabitants... NATALIE: Dear inhabitants, tenants and subtenants! I don't have time for your jokes. You'd better go and make some coffee. EMILY: That's exactly what I've wanted to suggest to you, but I thought you need an audience... NATALIE: Eureka! Now I know: My dear symphatizers! EMILY: How do you know there will be any of them? NATALIE: I'll make them mine, whether they want it or not. So: My dear sympha... it's gorgeous! My dear present and future symphatizers. It sounds so selfconfident. EMILY: Isn't it too selfconfident? NATALIE: You can never have enough selfconfidence. People love it because they are mostly weak. EMILY: And what about: men and women? That's perfect! That's even a compliment. NATALIE: It's a compliment to say "men", it's an offence to say "women". And still women make half of the voting population. EMILY: Voting population! It sounds so goozy. I'd better go wash the dishes...
NATALIE: And make that coffee! EMILY: You don't want tea? NATALIE: I want coffee, to be closer to the voting population.
Emily leaves the room with grudging disapproval.
EMILY: Why do all people except me have mothers who make Gobelins? NATALIE: My dear symphatizers... no! It’s not good! What’s there to talk about with your symphatizers? Nothing! I should be straight: Dear voters!
Valery storms in the room. She has a fur coat and a hat on. She is in a hurry and she just dropped in to take something.
VALERY: Haven’t I told you that you are welcome anywhere except in my studio? What’re you doing here? NATALIE: I’m thinking about something. It won’t take me long. VALERY: I think so! Who wanted me? NATALIE: Nobody. The phone hasn’t rung at all. Even I haven’t been wanted. VALERY: It must be out of order! Tell Emily to check with the operator. Bye. I’m in a hurry.
Valery reaches the door and then something crosses her mind. She goes back to the south wall and stares at it with curiosity and surprise.
VALERY: What’s this? NATALIE: That’s the material for my campaign... VALERY: And this is the right place for it? I goes well here doesn’t it? NATALIE: The walls of my room are covered with portraits of our forefathers. There’s no place for me. VALERY: But, there is, in my studio, isn’t there? NATALIE; The wall was empty. VALERY: You’re lucky I’m in a hurry!
Valery moves towards the door but she turns back to Natalie. She looks at her firmly as though she were a wall.
VALERY: Where did you find the money for all these colour posters. I know how much it costs. NATALIE: Micky gave me the posters and the badges. He’s sponzoring me. VALERY: Micky who? NATALIE: Your potential son in-law. Can’t you remember him either, he took away your child, though?! VALERY: He’s joined your party? NATALIE: No he’s apolitical. VALERY: You’ve asked him to be your sponsor, haven’t you? You know we don’t like him. That’s betrayal. You haven’t got the power yet, but you’ve already started to betray! NATALIE: I didn’t ask. His gorillas brought it. With his best regards! VALERY: The scoundrel flatters you and you allow him to do that. NATALIE: No, no. He seems to be collecting political parties. VALERY: A collector of political parties? How do you know? NATALIE: I do. First they’ve brought posters of Democratic party, badges of Peasants’ party and flags of Radical party. Then they apologized and brought mine. He seems to offer them to everybody... VALERY: Why? NATALIE: I don’t know, perhaps he washes the money... VALERY: And perhaps he’s a foreign spy who’s duty it is to weaken our government? NATALIE: You think so? Anyway, who cares for the shitty government! VALERY: You covered the place with your pictures just to see how you would look in the streets, didn’t you? NATALIE: You’re wise like an owl. VALERY: You can see how you’ll look!
Valery takes her paintbrush and starts to draw here moustaches, there beards, glasses and a pirate eyebandage on Natalie’s posters. Finally she makes a caricature of each poster.
NATALIE: You’ll be late for your own exhibition!
Emily comes in bringing coffee.
EMILY: Valery, you’re heartless! VALERY: I’m heartless, am I? You parasites, you call me heartless! (to Natalie) Look, that’s how you will look when they put your posters in the streets. ( to Emily) Your mother plots with foreign spies! (To both) I’m coming back quickly, don’t wait for me here. The wall should be whitewashed immediately!
Valery leaves like a typhoon. She wants to slam the door, but the door is sliding and new, so she hardly moves it. Emily and Natalie laugh.
EMILY: Good thing she’s changed the door!
Scene 9. LONG-TERM VISITOR
Olomir makes something in the kitchen. His head is bandaged, his leg in plaster cast. Starky comes in, obviously from the street. He wears his coat.
STARKY: Good morning. OLOMIR: Where’ve you been till now? STARKY: Having fun. I’m making an experiment. OLOMIR: Mother gives you all the freedom. STARKY: I was born free. Since then they’ve been trying to strain me. Why aren’t you recovering? When’re you going home? OLOMIR: I’m recovering... STARKY: You recovered three months ago. OLOMIR: Yes, but then I hurt myself again repairing the sliding door in the madam Valery’s studio. STARKY: It was two months ago. OLOMIR: Yes, but I crushed my finger. STARKY: In fact you’re a carpenter or a door keeper, something like that, aren’t you? OLOMIR: No, I’m not. I am a psychiatrist, that’s why I’ve hurt myself. STARKY: And what opportunity did you use to break yourself this time? OLOMIR: A week ago I was sticking Madam Natalie’s campaign posters in the studio when I fell off the ladder. STARKY: And you broke your leg? OLOMIR: No, I fell on my head then. STARKY: And what about your leg, when did you break it? OLOMIR: When I was taking the posters off and painting the south wall. STARKY: You fell off the ladder again? OLOMIR: No, the ladder fell down on me then. It’s heavy, you know... In fact my leg was just half-broken, while the ladder was completely broken. STARKY: It seems to me you do it on purpose subconsciously... OLOMIR: The power of our subconsciousness is much stronger than we know... STARKY; That’s all because Valery extends your stay here whenever you hurt yourself. It’s as if you wish to move in here... OLOMIR; I’ve never kept it a secret, but your mum disagrees. STARKY; Conquered Valery, that’s what I’d like to see. OLOMIR: She’s hard to conquer because she’s occupied. STARKY; But, you are persistent, aren’t you? OLOMIR; Yes, I am. STARKY: Just don’t let Emily hear you are a psychiatrist, she will throw you up immediatelly and hysterically. OLOMIR; Why? STARKY: Well, I think she can’t stand that profession. OLOMIR; I’ll try not to let her know. Thanks. STARKY: I’ve heard you’ve got a huge house. OLOMIR: Yes, I have! STARKY; Where have you got so much money from? OLOMIR: There are so many rich nuts, you know. I’ve inherited one of them. STARKY; He was your father, I guess? OLOMIR: No, shame on you! He was my grandfather STARKY: So, how can you live in that tiny room? OLOMIR: Why do you ask? I don’t suffer from claustrophobia, I’m healthy. And there’s not draft there. STARKY: I mean it’s ideal to commit suicide. OLOMIR: What? STARKY: A tiny room. OLOMIR: (with suspicion) Why? STARKY: Because it’s so small. You eat a lot of beans or cherries, close the window and the door and you’re dead in a moment. OLOMIR: I don’t understand why beans and cherries? STARKY: Because fellow, when you shut yourself in the little room, you fart twice, and you die of methane poisoning. OLOMIR: You cherish a very odd sense of humour in your family. STARKY: Everything we cherish is odd and that’s what attracts you. OLOMIR: What’s happened to your father? STARKY: Which father? OLOMIR: I supose you have only one. What happened to you biological father? STARKY: I don’t know. OLOMIR: Where is he? STARKY: I’ve got no idea, last time I saw him at an airshow I was 6 years old. OLOMIR: I can’t imagine how someone could leave Valery. She’s absolutely original, although unbearable. STARKY I didn’t say she had been left. But I do think Lucky is a scatterbrain. OLOMIR: Lucky who? STARKY: Well, my dad. OLOMIR: You haven’t missed him, have you? I mean, you and your sister. STARKY: No, Valery’s a splendid dad. Sometimes she causes problems in the mother’s role. I’ll go to bed. This night life and work are destroying me. OLOMIR: So you agree I can be your father, don’t you? STARKY: How can you be my father when I am already brought forth for God’s sake?!
Scene 10 - HANGOVER
Valery has started Selfportrait from the Back in her studio. She has put mirrors around for that occasion. Emily has brought in lunch and Valery is eating quickly, standing. She is in a good mood. If you like you can imagine Valery stained with paint and so busy with her work that she doesn't have time to eat. So Emily quickly feeds her giving her spoons and forks of food.
VALERY: Where's Natalie? EMILY: In her room. She's not left it for days. VALERY: What's she doing there? EMILY: She's being ashamed of herself. VALERY: What's she doing? EMILY: She's being ashamed of herself. VALERY: So she is doing nothing else but being ashamed of herself. Why? EMILY: Because she's made a speech with her picture above her. She's going to die of shame. VALERY: Most politicians make speeches with their pictures above them. EMILY: But they don't know what shame is. She says she feels like a man who gets drunk and makes troubles, in the morning he feels remorseful knowing he's made some trouble but doesn't know what it is, that 's how she feels. As if she vomitted on her pillow. VALERY: She knows what it's like. You should believe her. EMILY: She's dressed up lying on her back with her arms crossed on her breasts and decided to die of shame. VALERY: That's bad. EMILY: Bad. VALERY: Well, what're you going to do now? EMILY: I intended to ask you to give me a little money. VALERY: How much? EMILY: Well, a little bit more... VALERY: Approximately? EMILY: Quite a lot of money should be needed. VALERY: Say an amount! EMILY: As much as you can. VALERY: From - to? EMILY: From as much as you've got. VALERY: And what for? EMILY: To take her to be cured. VALERY: Where’ve you thought to take her? EMILY: To the gambling house. VALERY: To the gambling house? To be cured? EMILY: Why not? One nail drives out another. She's thought politics to be the only vice left to someone of her age. VALERY: And now gambling's left? EMILY: Besides, you know that spending money cures depression. There's nothing better than that. VALERY: And how much might that cost? EMILY: I don't know. In any case less than doctors and medicines and there're no contraindications. VALERY: It sounds sensible. I'll give you all I've got. EMILY: (delighted) All that you've got? Really? VALERY: (laughing) Yes, I assure you I don't want you to complain. I haven't done anything for your mother letting her die in the prime od life. EMILY: It has nothing to do with age. One needs one's own mum. VALERY: But you must admit she is "in the prime of life" for passing away. EMILY: I still love you for not being a miser.
A black cat comes in. Music. Emily is startled.
EMILY: Go away! Black devil, what are you doing here. VALERY: What’re you saying? EMILY: Nothing, nothing. VALERY: It seemed to me you were chasing a cat. EMILY: Me? Not really, it only seemed to you. VALERY: Mum, if you don't feel well, if you have some problems, you can tell me. I won't force you to anything... EMILY: Oh no, it's all right. I'm in a hurry to persuade Natalie.
A man, the same as Starky enters, but his clothes are old -fashioned. They were fashionable some fifteen years ago. Emily simply runs away. Valery goes on painting. The man looks round the studio. That's Lucky looking the same as when he was young as Starky remembers him. Valery notices him and is startled a little.
VALERY: What are you doing here? When did you arrive? Why are you sneaking in like a cat? How did you come in? Nothing is heard because of the music... After fifteen years... You could say good afternoon at least.(Lucky seems not to hear a word) Lucky you idiot I'm asking you: What are you doing here? Why haven't you grown old? LUCKY: Children should take their father's surname. VALERY: Really? What's wrong with my surname? I've shortened it! LUCKY: Why've you given the little girl to a scoundrel? VALERY: She's not a little girl. She weighs sixtyfive kilos only you weren't here to notice that. You've picked up the right time to come and grumble. LUCKY: Why have you given my little girl to a gangster? VALERY: Are you deaf? There's no your little girl!. I haven't given anything to anybody. She'll be back when passion fades. LUCKY: Children miss their father. VALERY: What do you want? You haven't sent a letter to the children for fifteen years. You've come to see them now. Go and see them if you can recognize them at all. LUCKY: The boy misses his father. VALERY: Why do you repeat things like a parrot? Have you gone crazy? It is said mad people don't get old. Anyway, get out.
Lucky sits in the armchair as if he didn't hear.
VALERY: Get out! You fool!
Lucky doesn't react. She throws something on him but she misses.
VALERY: Lucky don't make me nervous, you know me. I'm going to eat you up. (Licky doesn't react) I don't want to go to prison because of a fool. (cries) Olomir! Mr. Cutter!
Olomir comes.
OLOMIR: What's the matter Valery-cherie? You asked me to come. VALERY: Don't call me Valery-cherie and throw this man out! OLOMIR: Whom? VALERY: This idiot here! The deaf one who's forgotten to grow old. OLOMIR: I don't uderstand the joke Valery cherie... I'm not stupid, but I don't get it. VALERY: Throw this man out and don't try to understand! OLOMIR: There's no one here except you and me Valery cherie, you aren't well? VALERY: What do you mean there's nobody? OLOMIR: Just like that. We are alone... VALERY: But the old- fashioned one over there? OLOMIR: If you really see someone, I mean, if you aren't making a joke with me then it is hallucination. You tire out, but that disappears as soon as you have a rest. Lie down a bit. Do you want me to give you some vitamins? VALERY: Vitamins against hallucination? Hallucination! Muum! OLOMIR: Wait, wait! While we're alone I'd like to ask you something very important. VALERY: (cries) Muum! Muum! Emily! (Emily runs in breathlessly) EMILY: Why are you crying? VALERY: Do you see this hallucination here? EMILY: (lies) I don't see anyone! VALERY: If you don't see it, how do you know there's someone? Mr. Cutter is hallucinating contagiously? OLOMIR: Contagious? A strange question. I've neither had such a case in my practice, nor even do I know about any in theory. EMILY: What practice? VALERY: A psychiatric practice! OLOMIR: There are cases of collective hallucination which haven't been explained... EMILY: The gentleman is a psychiatrist? OLOMIR: No, not at all..., I'm a carpenter, pardon a door keeper, in fact a house-painter, you know how nicely I've whitewashed the south wall. VALERY: Why do you all lie? Do you want me to get mad? EMILY: You've brought a lying psychiatrist to the house to watch me? VALERY: I haven't mum, why are you torturing me? Help me, don't you see I'm going to go mad. EMILY: You can go mad. I don't object. You've got a professional. VALERY: Who's going to support you if I go mad? You don't want to help me mum? EMILY: I'll help you if the gentleman mad doctor goes out! OLOMIR: How can she help you? I'm an expert, Velery cherie, rely on me. VALERY: I don't rely on anyone. Get out! OLOMIR: Valery, you are not well, really! VALERY: Get out, I'll smash you. OLOMIR: All right, calm down, I'm going out. (Olomir leaves) VALERY: You see, he's left. Do you see him now? EMILY: Whom? VALERY: Fucky Lucky! EMILY: I see him. VALERY: And why did you tell me you didn't a few minutes ago? EMILY: I don't want the observer to take me to a mad house. VALERY: And what's this mum? EMILY: Your pet child is dreaming. He must miss his father... VALERY: Fuck him! I support him, I buy him clothes and he dreams that idiot. I've almost had a heart attack. EMILY: Is it clear to you now how I live? VALERY: Wait a minute, why do I see this one and I haven't seen anything before? EMILY: Because you can see only the things that concern you. VALERY: And you? EMILY: I can see everything. VALERY: And what should I do now? EMILY: Well, he's not going to dream about his dad all the time. He hasn't dreamed about him for fifteen years. He's going to stop it as soon as he grows up. You can bear it. VALERY: I can't stand it. If he appears once more I'll have a stroke. EMILY: Then you can see the psychiatrist, he's in the little room VALERY: A psychiatrist can't do anything about it. That's surreal. EMILY: How could it be that he can't help you, but he could help me. VALERY: Mum don't be such a vengeful person. Don't you understand I wasn't able to understand. EMILY: I see you don't understand anything. VALERY: If you like, help me, if you don't like it let me die of a stroke. Don't grumble! EMILY: I can help you with an idea. You may try... But I'm not sure.. VALERY: Let me hear your idea! EMILY: I think you can paint him. VALERY: Whom? EMILY: Lucky. If he appears on a painting he may not appear in the dreams. With the similar frequency. Paint him just like this. VALERY: You know I paint only selfportraits.. EMILY: Then I don't know how to help you. VALERY: Well, I'm going to make a selfportrait with Lucky behind me.
Valery takes a new canvas nervously and gets ready to paint.
Scene 11 - A CAKE FOR EMILY
Olomir with an apron beats stuff for a cake in the kitchen and Starky rather watches than helps him.
STARKY: You flatter Emily in order not to be thrown out for being a mad doctor? OLOMIR: Oh, no. It's madam Emily's birthday tomorrow, so Valery asked me to make a cake. She's busy painting... and madam Natalie's at the gambling house, she's given me the recipe. I like the old recipes. STARKY: I bet she has. OLOMIR: Do you want me to prepare meal for you. Do you feel like eating. Preparing food is my hobby. STARKY: Your hobby is preparing meals for me? OLOMIR: Oh, no. I like to prepare meals but I don't like to eat. Somebody should eat what I prepare, otherwise there's no use. STARKY: You're wasting your time. Emily can't stand you. OLOMIR: I don't see why, when I'm so kindhearted and useful. I'm very nice indeed, am I not? STARKY: You are to me, but she's afraid of you. OLOMIR: Afraid of me? I'm harmless. Hold this. STARKY: She's afraid you may take her to a madhouse. OLOMIR: I don't own a madhouse. I've got a private practice. Why should she go to a madhouse? STARKY: She wouldn't like to, that's the point! OLOMIR: I'd like to ask what's her problem when she's afraid of a mad house. STARKY: My dreams, I think. OLOMIR: Your dreams. I don't get the joke. STARKY: It's not a joke. She claims to have an aerial to receive my dreams. OLOMIR: A room aerial or a roof one? STARKY: Do you really want me to talk or to make jokes? OLOMIR: Talk to me and give that to me. STARKY: Well, she claims she can see my dreams and Valery thinks that she hallucinates and wants to send her to be examined. OLOMIR: Can she really see your dreams or she just thinks so? STARKY: I have no idea. We couldn't compare it because they hide the problem from me. They think I don't know. They think I'd go crazy if I knew they read my dreams. OLOMIR: And would you get angry? STARKY: Of course, that's the same as if they read your thoughts. Dream censorship. There wasn't such a thing even with Stalin. Good thing I don't remember what I dream. I sleep like a top. OLOMIR: You see, why we always say people should talk. The best thing would be if you compared. If she retells your dream, she's not mad but... STARKY: But what? OLOMIR: Hypersensitive, I'd say. STARKY: I'm going to ask her if she's seen Lucky. OLOMIR: Lucky? STARKY: Dad. That's the last dream I remember I dreamed it the other day. Then, when you asked me about him.
Valery comes in behind their backs. She listens to their conversation not informing them of her presence.
OLOMIR: Well, you dreamed your dad... STARKY: If you only knew how handsome my father was. OLOMIR: Really? Handsome! STARKY: Quite handsome. Tall, slim, attractive. Dignified. A really handsome fellow. OLOMIR: You are a handsome fellow too. Did she love him much? STARKY: Did she love whom? OLOMIR: I mean Valery, did she love your father? STARKY: I don't know. Ask her! I'd like to dream him again. I was really fond of him. VALERY: You won't dream him again. STARKY: You're here. When did you come in? How do you know? VALERY: I'm here. A few minutes ago. I know. OLOMIR: It seems strange things with dreams are going on in your house. There may be an electromagnetic field or... VALERY: Nothing strange's going on! (to Starky). Come, I'd like to show you something. OLOMIR: May I come too? VALERY: If you can leave the cake...? OLOMIR: What's one cake compared to you?
The three of them get out on their way to Valery's studio. Nobody is there for some time. Only the smoke of the burning cake is going out of the oven. Then Lucky and Little Violet with a black cat enter.
LITTLE VIOLET: Good afternoon. Surprise! There we are. LUCKY: You are chirping in vain, there's no one there either. LITTLE VIOLET: But there are traces of life. Someone's making a cake and it's burning.Hold Rosamund. LUCKY: What if it scratches me again? LITTLE VIOLET: She won't. How should I turn the oven off. Oh, I've burnt myself. LUCKY: You want to get killed because of somebody else's cake! Mind your own business. LITTLE VIOLET: You don't understand women solidarity. (She tastes the cream) This was made with love. Lots of almonds. LUCKY: What has love to do with almonds? LITTLE VIOLET: Do you know the song... I'll give you almonds, to smell nicely for me ... that's a love song. LUCKY: Leave that. Someone may come in and think that we are thieves. LITTLE VIOLET: I just want to save the cake.
Little Violet takes the cake out of the oven. It still has a chance to be saved.
Scene 12 - FIFTEEN YEAR DELAY
In Valery's studio almost realistic painting on the easel. The Selfportrait with Lucky at the back. Valery, Olomir and Starky come in.
OLOMIR: Geniously, Valery-cherie, I'll buy it immediately. VALERY: It's not on sale. OLOMIR: Pity! (to Starky) Look at a good portrait of yourself in the crazy sixties. STARKY: That's Lucky. Isn't he an incredibly handsome man. I dreamed about him just like this. (to Valery) Did Emily tell you or do you also spy on my dreams. VALERY: What 're you talking about? (the idea strucks her) You forget the fact that I got to know Lucky well while we were making you. OLOMIR: Valery, you painted your ex-husband. How should I explain that? VALERY: Don't explain at all, please! OLOMIR: But I have to. I'm a professional. An analyser. VALERY: I painted him for my child for his birthday so that he doesn't have to dream him any longer. STARKY: It wasn't hard for me to dream and it isn't my birthday. VALERY: I'll give it to you as a present for Emily's birthday. OLOMIR: How original! What a precious woman your mother is! You should be happy and grateful! STARKY: I'm happy and grateful mum? May I go now? OLOMIR: (to Starky) Take your picture, coarse fellow.
Starky takes the picture off the easel. Lucky and Little Violet enter.
LITTLE VIOLET: Good afternoon. We've hardly found you in such a big house. There's no one as if there was a plague. I've saved someone's cake in the kitchen. It started to burn. OLOMIR: Alas, the cake for Madam Emily! I'm finished. LITTLE VIOLET: There's no hurry, everything is under control. I turned it off and took it out. (She approaches Valery and shakes hands with her) My name's Little Violet Smith the third. VALERY: The third? LITTLE VIOLET: The third, Lucky's wife. VALERY: Really? LITTLE VIOLET: And this is Rosamund. She's Polish. You must be Valery and this is your studio. (she notices Lucky's picture. To him) They've known you here when were a little boy. A wonderful picture! Full of inspiration. LUCKY: Your telephone's out of order. That's why I didn't call. VALERY: After fifteen years you could say: good afternoon first. LUCKY: Good afternoon Valery. You haven't changed. And where are my children? STARKY: (to Olomir) What an ugly and repulsive man! OLOMIR: I don't like him either. VALERY: There aren't your children here. There's my son who isn't a child any longer. LUCKY: You are Starky? STARKY: Yes, I am. LITTLE VIOLET: You've quite grown tall. STARKY: Grown tall since when? LUCKY: And where's the little girl? What was her name? LITTLE VIOLET: Lucky how could you forget the child's name? VALERY: The little girl is married. LITTLE VIOLET: Lucky you may have already been grandfather. (to Valery) He's silly but he has luck. Anyway he's already senile like a grandpa. There is very much love in the cake. Who is it for? OLOMIR: For madam Emily. You think it'll be good? VALERY: (to Lucky) What have you come for? LUCKY: I don't know. I was drugged. In some way. STARKY: I'm leaving to take away the thing that drugged you. (picture) LUCKY: Why are you angry the little one? I was away and now I'm here. What's so terrible about it? STARKY: I'm not the little one for you. LITTLE VIOLET: I understand you completely. Lucky is really impossible. He is impossible but he is lucky. He doesn't know his children and he's going to have grandchildren. He may publish a book Children and Grandchildren for Mental Use. I've told him before to call in, but he is always in a hurry. He always has something terribly urgent at the other side of the world. VALERY: It's a good thing you've called in now. It may become a tradition for you to call in every fifteen years. LITTLE VIOLET; Such poisoned bites aren't typical for a female Leo, but for me. VALERY: Who are you? LITTLE VIOLET: I'm Scorpio, the two of us'll get along well don't be afraid. VALERY: As you already know everything, then it's familiar to you that I'm not afraid of anything.
Natalie and Emily enter euphoric. They are coming from the gambling house.
NATALIE: We smashed them. They can't recover quickly. And you don't know what we've found out. VALERY: Take some air. Brain needs oxygen. What's happened? EMILY: Natalie's taken all the money from them. STARKY: From whom? EMILY: From the gambling house. They had to close. NATALIE: We've found out something else. Sit down all of you. We don't want you to faint. OLOMIR: Where should we sit when there're no chairs? NATALIE: Sit down. Sit down. LITTLE VIOLET: (to Lucky sitting on the floor) The old ladies're wonderful! LUCKY: A madhouse. VALERY: Sit down, do you want me to die of curiosity.
After they all had sat down, some of them immediately, some of them hardly...
NATALIE: Guess who's the owner of the casino? STARKY: Micky! NATALIE: Fuck you! You've spoilt the fun. EMILY: How do you know? STARKY: I don't know, I guess. LUCKY: And who's Micky? VALERY: Your son in-law. LITTLE VIOLET: Perfect! Let's go to the gambling house. I can hardly wait to see son in-law too. NATALIE: Be quiet while older people are talking! VALERY: And you've seen him? EMILY: When you close the gambling house, they take you to the boss. NATALIE: If you only could see me! I fucked them all. If you had experienced that you would have died. STARKY: What does Micky say? Has he sent his kind regards to us? EMILY: Micky hasn't recognized us. STARKY: That's what I thought. VALERY: (to Emily) You could poison him tomorrow when they come to your birthday party. OLOMIR: Valery I'm preparing tomorrow's birthday party. You can't expect madam Emily to prepare her birthday party alone. LITTLE VIOLET: If you make up your mind I've got a wonderful recipe. OLOMIR: What for? LITTLE VIOLET: For poisoning sons in-law. LUCKY: (to Valery) You've given my little girl to someone who runs a gambling house, to a gangster? VALERY: Whose little girl, fuck you! Whose little girl!
A good national custom of simultanueous screaming goes on. Valery and Lucky are in the heart of the typhoon, but others keep pace with them.
STARKY: Bite him, mum! LITTLE VIOLET: That’s what I’ve been waiting for! Coo, Lucky, my pigeon! OLOMIR: Valery-cherie, calm down, you know how you’ve felt sick. You may be imagining everything. VALERY: Which little girl, fuck you! You haven’t seen her for 15 years and now you claim that she’s yours. You left for a fucking place 15 years ago, and now ... LUCKY: I didn’t leave, but you drove me off. VALERY: You’d like to have chldren now to take care of you in your old age. LITTLE VIOLET: You’d better stop defending yourself, Lucky, you don’t have any chance against such a lioness. You can get on with me easily. LUCKY: Oh, hell, how easy it’s to get on with you! OLOMIR: Valery, please, it’s not good for you. You remember how you were bad. STARKY: Destroy him, mum, I’ve got his picture, I don’t need him any more. LITTLE VIOLET: You don’t like your dad Lucky at all. NATALIE: Who’s this man? He looks familiar somehow? EMILY: Mum, that’s Lucky, Valery’s ex ... NATALIE: Who? EMILY: Mum, there’s going to be a fuss. Let’s go out. NATALIE: I’d like to see the fuss.
Scene l3.- A BIRTHDAY OVERTURE
Detailed preparations have been made in the dining-room for Emily’s birthday party. Natalie is playing cards. Olomir has burnt himself and has some plasters.
STARKY: You’ve managed to burn yourself, Olomir, the most persistent man! OLOMIR: While I was taking out the roast pig... STARKY: Emily’s sending you the message that she’s become a vegetarian, NATALIE: Does anyone feel like playing poker with me? While we’re waiting for the party to begin? OLOMIR: I do, madam, but first I must wash myself for the party. ( he goes out) STARKY: ( to Olomir) You fight with all weapons, on all battlefields. I respect you. I could be your ally.
It’s not tornado, but Valery coming in.
VALERY: Is it the truth that Emily’s invited Lucky with his Lily of the Valley, to her birthday party?
Silence again. Nobody wants to bear consequences because of the bare fact.
VALERY: I’ve got a question! STARKY: It seems to be the truth. VALERY: After all yesterday’s shit, she’s invited him to my house again. STARKY: But to her birthday party! VALERY: What a vengeful person she is! That’s her revenge for my biting her breast 44 years six months and 24 days ago. I had one tooth then. I bet that’s the reason. NATALIE: ( over playing cards) What do you bet on? VALERY: Upon whatever you like. NATALIE: Upon two new packs of playing cards. VALERY: It’s a deal!
Natalie and Valery agreed to bet.
STARKY: You’ve lost mum. She’s invited him because Angela wanted to see him, and you know Emily can’t resist her soup admirer’s caprices. VALERY: Angela must have wished to see that Dahlia to? NATALIE: Whom? VALERY: Well, that Chrysantemum, Rose, Marigold, Margaret, of his, fuck him, I don’t know her name I only know it’s a kind of flower. STARKY: Ah, you mean mummy Little Violet. VALERY: Scorpio, that’s right. I suppose you’re not going to call her mum?! STARKY: Of course not. I’m kidding. At least she’s neither help nor hindrance. Why should she get on your nerves? VALERY: Everything gets on my nerves when they hit me like that. NATALIE: You’ve become too tense, Valery, you crack up easily. VALERY: I’ve been painting her birthday present for 32 hours, and she invites Lucky. How could I resist cracking up? OLOMIR: Would you like me to give you something to relax, Valery-cherie? That’s exhaustion. Something to help you to fall asleep? VALERY: I wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t like that “ Valery-cherie” either, which makes me crazy. NATALIE: Come to your grandma to soothe you down. How about having something exhausting and intellectual? Canasta? VALERY: All right, come on deal! NATALIE: The only condition with me is that no volunteering and recreation are allowed. Put money on the table. VALERY: I haven’t got it now. I’ll give it to you later. NATALIE: Then we’re going to play later! VALERY: Granny, what do you need all that money for? To buy all the medecines in the world and live for ever! NATALIE: Have you heard they’ve invented alcoholic drinks you can’t get drunk on? VALERY; Yes, I have. So what? NATALIE: Nobody’s bought them.They’ve gone bankrupt. That’s like gambling without money. OLOMIR; Valery, I’ll give you money for a few games if you like...It may help you feel better. It may help you relax for you’re as tense as a sling.. VALERY; You’re ready to give me credit and my own grandma isn’t. That’s out of question!( An idea strucks her) After all Mr Cutter, will you follow me to my studio... OLOMIR; To follow you to your studio? Only me? VALERY; Only you... OLOMIR: With special pleasure!
They leave. Starky gets nervous.
NATALIE; What’s the matter with you, a little boy? Why do you move like a fart in your pants? STARKY: I don’t know what’s the matter with me! I haven’t slept for 32 hours and I don’t know why... Is it growing up? NATALIE: No, it’s full moon. Go to bed, have a rest. I’ll call you when Micky arrives to hug and kiss him in a kind way. STARKY: It’s strange that I’m not tired. NATALIE: Well, then it’s super, don’t worry. STARKY: It’s super, but it’s somehow boring.
Little Violet and Lucky come in.
LITTLE VIOLET: Here we are. I suppose we aren’t late. Good evening. LUCKY: Good evening. NATALIE: You’re late for my birthday party, it was six months ago, and you’re the first to come to Emily’s. LUCKY: (to Little Violet) I told you there’s no need to hurry. All people are late in this country. LITTLE VIOLET: ( to Natalie) It’s wonderful to have such good sense of humour at your age. STARKY: Oh, those are mummy Little Violet and dad Lucky! We’re going to change the type of boredom... and where’s the cat Rosamunda? LUCKY: Good luck she wasn’t invited. NATALIE: Why do you think that mind should die before the body? LITTLE VIOLET: On the contrary. And the little boy isn’t angry with us any longer. That’s nice. STARKY: The little boy isn’t a little boy any longer, that’s even nicer!
Olomir peeps through the door.
OLOMIR: Starky, help. Come here. Excuse me... LITTLE VIOLET: You’re also here, good evening. I’m really curious to know how your cake’s come out? STARKY: Pardon me, it seems there’s something urgent over there.
Starky leaves with Olomir. A moment of unpleasant silence.
NATALIE: If you’ve got money we can play cards... LUCKY: What do you offer? NATALIE: What’re you interested in? LITTLE VIOLET: Lucky, you are a lucky man, but I don’t think it’s clever to put your nose into somebody else’s lucky feedingbag. Madam closes gambling houses. LUCKY: First of all it’s not clever to rely on your evaluation of what’s clever.
Lucky sits down to play cards.
Scene 14. A PRESENT ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S ACCOUNT
Olomir and Starky in Valery’s studio. Her new picture The Selfprortrait with a Child’s Dreams, from the back.
OLOMIR: Valery’s dangerously angry with madam Emily. STARKY: When she’s angry, it’s always dangerously. We got used to it. OLOMIR: I know. But she’s put me in incredibly unpleasant situation... STARKY: That’s her speciality, why are you upset? OLOMIR: Be serious for two minutes., really it’s not naive. She’s offered to sell to me the picture that she’s painted especially for Madam Emily as her birthday present. She’s worked on it 32 hours without a break, and now she’s angry and doesn’t want to present it to her. STARKY: Aah! And you’ve declined to buy it, of course. OLOMIR: In fact, I’ve bought it. I know my limits. I’m irresistible, I can’t resist. STARKY: Don’t worry. Emily can’t stand Valery’s pictures, she won’t blame you at all. You may get extra points. OLOMIR: But this picture has special a purpose. STARKY: What special purpose? OLOMIR: I think it should have released Emily from your dreams. STARKY: Let me see it!
They turn the picture so that Starky can see it.
OLOMIR: It’s perfect, there’s no objection. STARKY: Fuck you! That’s what keeps me from falling asleep! Now I get it! OLOMIR: Sorry, what do you get? STARKY: In order to release Emily of my dreams, Valery’s released me from sleeping. She doesn’t care. She solved the problem using the famous method of cutting the Gordian knot. That’s very much like her. OLOMIR: What’s very much like who? STARKY: Valery believes that headache can be cured best by amputation of the head. You must burn this! OLOMIR: Are you crazy? I dare not! I’m not the inquisition! STARKY: Then let her destroy it! Where’s she? OLOMIR: She left to sleep. STARKY: I’m going to wake her up. OLOMIR: She told me not to take the risk of waking her up before Emily’s well into her 67 year. STARKY: I’ll take a risk! OLOMIR: Wait! It may lose power, if I take it to my house and hang it on the staircase. STARKY: On the staircase? Super! All works of art lose their power if they’re hung on the staircase. But she must pay me for this! OLOMIR: How do you mean she must pay you? STARKY: Somehow... For example she’ll fall in love with you. And you should screw her a bit. OLOMIR: No chance, she doesn’t notice me at all. STARKY: She doesn’t notice anyone. Be a man, attract her attention, and I’ll do the rest of the work. OLOMIR: If only you could do that! STARKY: I can do everything, I’m her child. But promise you’ll screw her a little, later. OLOMIR: How much is that “a little”? STARKY: Well, as if you pulled someboy’s ear.
Angela enters. She inmediatelly kisses Starky, excited.
ANGELA: Where’re mum and granny?Your sis kisses you. Would you like to be an uncle? STARKY: Which turn do you want me to take in answering your questions? ANGELA: First , would you like? STARKY; I don’t know. In fact, I may like it, but I’m not delighted to be uncle to a gangster’s child... ANGELA: You’re all still angry with me? STARKY: I’ve never been angry with you. ANGELA: What about mum and granny, they are angry? Where’re they? OLOMIR; Madam Valery’s too tired and I think she’s sleeping. STARKY; Have the two of us made a deal? OLOMIR; Well, yes, we have. ANGELA; Is it possible that she won’t come down for her mother’s birthday party?I’ve got something very important to tell her. STARKY; With her everything’s possible! But I’m afraid there’s the possibility Emily’s not coming down to her birthday party either! ANGELA; Micky’s astonished by the situation he’s found himself in. This may finish him, I mean, make him angry. STARKY: And you’ve run away out of fear of Valery’s mood to the fear of Micky’s anger. Very stupid for a young lady of your rank. ANGELA: How do you like daddy? STARKY: Rag- man. ANGELA: I’d say it too. Fancy, if we’d had to bear him through all our childhood !? STARKY: I’d break a pair of his glasses every day, and a windscreen on holidays. ANGELA: How long’s he staying? STARKY: I don’t know. It was your wish to invite him. ANGELA: How could I suppose what’s he like? OLOMIR: Excuse me, it’s hard for me to follow your enigmatic conversation. What astonishing situation’s your husband found down there? ANGELA: He’s not my husband! Come and throw a look, sir. Starky, I’ll stay at home. STARKY: You’re coming back home? I like it. But why? ANGELA: Because I’ve got somewhere to come back to, but I must wake up Valery. STARKY: On what excuse? ANGELA: I’m afraid Micky won’t let me go, and she’s the only one who can face him. STARKY: I suppose, he hasn’t brought his gorillas again? ANGELA: No, he hasn’t, but they’re everywhere around the house. STARKY: Haven’t I told you we’re going to have the Trojan war here. We’re going to solve the problem by using our brains. We’re aware we’re not as strong in the bicepses. Take it easy, you’ve got your brother. ANGELA: You can’t match him, I’m afraid. Let’s wake up mum. OLOMIR: Madam Valery’s explicitly forbidden... STARKY: Don’t be afraid. Mr Cutter’s going to help us. OLOMIR: I’ll help, of course, but as soon as I realise what’s going on.
The three of them leave.
Scene 15. - A CHANCE TO GROW UP
In the dining room. Natalie has taken off Lucky’s clothes, so that he wears only his pants, socks and shoes, but they go on playing cards. Little Violet charms Micky.
LITTLE VIOLET: He doesn’t look respectful in this state although, sometimes he’s quite respectful, but very rarely, to tell the truth. MICKY; Who? LITTLE VIOLET; Your father-in-low, Lucky.You don’t like him? MICKY; I can’t stand farcical situations! LITTLE VIOLET; You look like that, but you should be more flexible, otherwise you'll flip out in your early fourties. MICKY; As soon as Brighty‘d told me he appeared from the past I didn’t know how to behave.Why hasn’t she come yet? NATALIE; Which Brighty? MICKY; My wife. NATALIE; You’ve taken away Angela from here.She’s not your wife yet, don’t forget it! MICKY; Perhaps she isn’t, but she will be. She’s pregnant, and the child’s mine. NATALIE: The child may be yours too, if she decides to marry you. You couldn’t have changed her surname, so you’ve changed her first name! LUCKY: She has to marry if she’s pregnant. A child needs a father. LITTLE VIOLET: Lucky, I’m afraid you could hardly be the right person to prove such a problematic thesis. NATALIE: You’d rather watch the game.You’ll look less respectable when I take your pants off! MICKY: Could I ransom the gentleman’s clothes in order to stop the game? LITTLE VIOLET; Lucky, you have more luck than you weigh. The gentleman, your son-in-law finds the situation unpleasant. NATALIE; This isn’t the gentleman’s casino. I run the bank here. After all I’m sick of winning.(to Micky) Give me the money!
Micky drops one banknote after another, and after every second or the third one Natalie throws a piece of clothing to Lucky, who puts it on.
MICKY: Well, being her father, you agree she should marry me. LUCKY: She should, certainly. LITTLE VIOLET: He’s not the kind of father who must be obeyed. LUCKY: (to Little Violet) Next time when you try to persuade me to drop in some place bear in mind that we’ll take different paths. LITTLE VIOLET: There’s no such place, you can escape from yourself, but for my sake you’re free to escape at once, if it helps you to solve your problem! I’ve reached my destination. NATALIE: (to Micky) As for money. All right. That’s enough...
Angela, Olomir and Starky enter carrying snacks.
NATALIE: Where’ve you been? Do I have to pu up with all boring guests? And hell, when does the birthday party begin? STARKY: I think it can start at once... LITTLE VIOLET: How can it start without the birthday girl? OLOMIR: She might not come down... LUCKY: Everything’s possible in this house. There may not be any food. MICKY: And madam Valery? I’ve got a very to have serious talk with her. STARKY: Madam Valery isn’t available for serious talks today, because she’s sleeping. I can replace her, and my answer is: Never! ANGELA: Starky, take it easy, what tactics! MICKY: The answer to what? STARKY: The answer to your question about the wedding date! MICKY: Brighty, let’s go home! Mum’s sleeping. Emily, the birthday lady's absent. What’re we doing here? STARKY: Angela is at home, and bon voyage to you. And pick up all your wild animals you disposed of round the house. LUCKY: I don’t know what’s going on here? LITTLE VIOLET: I’m going to explain it to you later! STARKY: Evacuate your dirty monkeys first and then yourself. MICKY: Little fellow, haven’t you been taught not to put your little nose and fingers everywhere? That may be dangerous! LUCKY: I don’t understand what menagerie are they talking about? LITTLE VIOLET: Stop being proud of your stupidity! They’re talking about the gorillas disposed of in the yard. LUCKY:( after having looked out of the window) We’re surrounded for heaven’s sake! Naturally, when Valery becomes related to... I knew it! LITTLE VIOLET: Don’t tremble, you know I can’t stand cowards!Lucky, sit down over there! MICKY: ( to Starky) As madam gambler would say, you, little gay, aren’t respectable! Brighty, get ready! ANGELA: You see Starky, haven’t I told you? Granny, what should I do now? NATALIE: Sit down, let me teach you bridge. It helps one to relax. OLOMIR: Disgusting man can’t you see you are unwanted here!? Get out of this house while we’re still in good mood and leave the girl alone! This isn’t the eighteenth century! No love by force! MICKY: And you old body, ask for a hand massage again! She’s not a girl but a carrier of my child. I’m taking her home. Brighty! LITTLE VIOLET: You’ve got a slaveowner attitude, Mr Bumper! It gets on my nerves too! She’s not an incubator! STARKY: ( to Olomir) Mum Little Violet is an ally. Pay attention! MICKY: Why should I be burdened by the state of your nerves? Give me my wife back, otherwise I’m going to call my men! ANGELA: And I’m going to call my mum! (Angela moves but Starky restrains her) STARKY: Let mum sleep. LITTLE VIOLET: ( to Micky) I wouldn’t recommend it to you, Drill, men may change colours. That’s fashionable. OLOMIR: It seems to me they’ve known each other before... MICKY: We’re not so close that you can call me by my nickname! Who’re you to interfere in my family life? LITTLE VIOLET: I’m your spare mother-in-law. Lucky, say something! It’s your daughter! LUCKY: Valery’s forbidden me to interfere. After all, I’m hungry. What kind of a birthday party is it without any food? I’ve heard somebody talking about a roast pig. What about the cake we’ve saved from burning? NATALIE: Fuck the conflict when the master of the game’s sleeping! I’m going to wake Valery up when noone else’s got guts. STARKY: Great granny, let me gow up. I suppose, I can protect my sister from an ordinary scoundrel.
Natalie leaves.
MICKY: If it relates to me, it’ll cost you much, little boy. LITTLE VIOLET: ( to Starky) We are dealing with an ordinary scoundrel here, son. All the facts aren’t available to you. OLOMIR: You see, they’ve already met. I smply feel uneasy for having such good powers of observation. STARKY: When mum sleeps, then step-mother intrudes on me. How could I express my personality?( to Micky) Get out of my house! Leave my sister alone before I don't lose my selfcontrol! Don’t look at me like at a pickled gherkin jar! Good bye!
Natalie comes back.
NATALIE: I can’t wake her up. Have you given her anything against waking up? OLOMIR: Against waking up? Nothing! MICKY: What’re you going to do now when the only rival equal to me’s sleeping? Give me Brighty if you’re willing to live a bit longer. Anyway I’ll take her! LITTLE VIOLET: A man loses the game, if he dosn’t count out his rivals well... LUCKY: Why do you interfere again, don’t you see what you’ve taken on?! STARKY: I don’t give her to you. I dare you to take her away! ANGELA: All right, let me go, he won’t hurt me. Don’t you see, he loves me? STARKY: If you give in now, you’ll never grow up. ANGELA: And why should I grow up? Don’t you see how dangerous it is. STARKY: It may be dangerous, but it’s exciting! If we don’t use the chance while mum’s sleeping, she’ll never let us. ANGELA: Well, it is exciting, but we don’t have any chance. OLOMIR: We’re going to break them to pieces. We’re not made of shit. Go aside, Angela. LUCKY: Are you crazy? They’re armed to the teeth, and we are naked as pistols. LITTLE VIOLET: Lucky, go and ask a lawyer to arrange a divorce! LUCKY: I’m going for sure. I’m sick of your curiosity.
Lucky goes out. Olomir and Starky take all available things to fight like knives, chairs. Natalie supports them. Little Violet is calm.
NATALIE: Poor Lucky, every wife drives him off. MICKY: We’re finishing the story. I haven’t got more time. Brighty, let’s go! ABGELA: My name’s Angela, and I won’t go anywhere. MICKY: All right, don’t say later I was rough.
Mickey whistles. Others get ready to fight. Two gorillas get in carrying black and blue Lucky. They drop him on the floor.
MICKY: Join those two to him.
Gorillas look at Little Violet. Starky and Olomir get ready to fight.
MICKY: Haven’t I said something? LITTLE VIOLET: Deliver the gentleman to this address!
Gorillas handle Micky briefly and carry him away.
MICKY: What’re you doing? Not me, them... LITTLE VIOLET: I’ve told you they can change colour.
Gorillas carry Micky away.
OLOMIR: It wasn’t necessary. We could have managed it by ourselves. We’ve had some old scores to pay off. LITTLE VIOLET : My scores are older. ANGELA : What’s happened, granny? NATALIE: Nothing. We’ve won, but I don’t know how. STARKY: It’s all a plot against me. They don’t let me solve my problem. I fuck solution like this! LITTLE VIOLET: Don’t be angry! You’re a brave boy, but you can’t win without a bit of luck. You can reckon you’ve won. STARKY: Come to my room, to show you what kind of a boy I am! ANGELA: Shame on you! NATALIE: I like you, madam, but I’d like to know who you really are. LITTLE VIOLET: It’s a long and complicated story. In short I’m a "past time cleaner". Micky dirtied that part of his life. NATALIE: Emily won’t believe me ,when I tell her. ANGELA: Does it mean I’m free now? I don’t understand anything. LITTLE VIOLET: I’ll tell you all about it later, once when I drop in to have coffee with you. I’m your ex-stepmother, anyway. I can call in, can’t I? Now I’m in a hurry. Good bye.I’m pleased to meet you. STARKY: I’d be even more pleased if we met. LITTLE VIOLET: Look after Lucky till the divorce.
Little Violet leaves.
NATALIE: Valery’ll get crazy because she missed the fun.
Emily enters carrying the cake with many candles.
EMILY: I could resist everything except the cake made without me. STARKY: Olomir, you’ve got the point. Be ready to win. EMILY: Happy birthday to me!I know the story’s over. The noisecould be heard in the attic. Who would like a piece of cake? OLOMIR: What a stupid question? All of us would like one. NATALIE: I’m the oldest. Me first. ANGELA: And I’m the youngest. NATALIE: First me because I can kick the bucket at any moment. You’ve got time. STARKY: I’d like to taste the fatal cake too. Olomir, you won out OLOMIR: I can see. The only difference is that’s not the one I aimed for.
All of them are engaged in eating the cake, so Valery’s arrival isn’t noticed.
VALERY: Mummy, pass me a piece of cake too. I’m hungry. EMILY: And you, give me my birthday present. VALERY: I haven’t got it now. I’ll buy you it tomorrow. EMILY: Then you’ll get the cake tomorrow. If something’s left. VALERY: Could I get a piece on credit? EMILY: You’d like it right now? Don’t say later I’m a vengeful person. VALERY: Give it to me.
Emily takes a piece of cake and hits Valery full in the face and bursts into laughter.
EMILY: There you are. You see, I’m not a vengeful person. OLOMIR: Alas! Don't react, please. VALERY: It doesn’t matter, if it pleased you. I’ll forgive this to you and that’s my birthday present. But next time don’t waste cakes. OLOMIR: Valery-cherie, how did you manage to awake up at all? VALERY: Have you thought I won’t awake until you kiss me? I haven’t taken what you’ve given me. OLOMIR: Does it mean that you don’t trust me? VALERY: No, I don’t. I guessed you’re a dangerous man. OLOMIR: Me, dangerous? Don’t say so... STARKY: Don’t be stupid, Olomir. You’re dangerous if she needs it. Don’t miss the chance. She can’t resist dangerous men. OLOMIR: O.K, I am dangerous. I’m terrible dangerous. VALERY: Watching you through the cream, you’ve become somehow more handsome. OLOMIR: I’ve become “ dangerously” handsome, if you say so. Take my piece, I don’t like cakes.
Love at first sight. Olomir feeds her with his piece of cake. From this moment on they work and act everything looking full in the eyes.
NATALIE: Valery, are you aware that you’re in the finished work syndrome and that you can fall in love. STARKY: It’s too late. It’s all over now. VALERY: Nonsense. Granny, I’ve an idea. You should study psychology. EMILY: To study? At her age? NATALIE: What’s wrong with my age? I know the woman who’s got her PhD at 92. VALERY: Oly could teach you. OLOMIR: If you say so, Valery ...( and swallows “cherie”) ANGELA: Look at this, for the cake’s sake! STARKY: Hush! That’s our chance to grow up. Play something.
Angela plays a love tune. Valery and Olomir sit down on Lucky and feed each other.
EMILY: Children, you can carry Lucky away, he may catch a cold here. STARKY: Granny, don’t spoil the atmosphere! ANGELA:( to Emily) Let it be as it is. We’ll do it later.
Happy END
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